Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Wishful Thinking?

So, the last 2-3 days have been a little different. I can definitely tell that the baby has dropped and my body is acting differently, too. I've been feeling a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, way more than usual and tonight, there have been a couple of huge, pretty intense ones. I don't know if it's just wishful thinking, but I really think this week is the week.

Will keep you updated as much as I can these next few days. Fingers are crossed for an easy labour and for my dreams of "no pitocin." If they don't give me pitocin, I will try to not ask for an epidural unless it becomes absolutely unbearable. Rodney is excited about me waiting til the last minute again to get the epidural. :)

Having this baby is just the most important thing to do right now and we are so looking forward to meeting the little one. I think we're ready to be parents to three kids. Whether we are or not, though, here he/she comes!

For those of you who have not played our baby guessing game yet, here's the link: http://expectnet.com/index.php?t=0. The game is called "GrussingGuessingGame."

Monday, April 21, 2008

Life Moves Forward Whether You Like It or Not

This past Saturday, we held a memorial service for my mom. It was beautiful and so many people came. She has touched so many lives and it was really great to see all the support and love that was in that room. All her kids went up to talk about her and it was really nice for all of us to stand up there together in unity and in honour of her, something she would've also loved to witness. I imagine that she was there in spirit and smiling down on all of us. Even Ethan went up to speak on behalf of all the grandkids and, though he couldn't finish, it was just an awesome show of the love he felt for his G.M. - that kid has such a heart of gold and we were all so proud of him. Rodney and my brother Manolet put together a really beautiful video with so many pictures of her life and with such beautiful music. When I get a copy that I can post, I will do so you can look at it at your leisure. After the service, we had a reception at her house and her place was filled to the brim with people and food, just her style. It would've been a party she would have been so happy to see - we did everything just the way she would have, I even tried to cook some of her dishes although one can never fully replicate her work because she didn't cook from recipes ever - just always from the heart. So many times during the party, I found myself waiting for her to walk around the corner into the kitchen - she would've had such fun being in the midst of all the hubbub and cooking. I miss her so much and I know I always will...I wish you could all have known her.

Death and birth are completely related parts of life and both are to be respected. I am happy in the knowledge that my mom is happy and healthy in her next life and I know that she would be so happy to see us move forward, with marriages, births, and the rest of our lives. Until we meet again...

This past Saturday also marked another huge turning point in our lives ----- we hit the 37-week milestone so the baby is considered full-term. This means that if the baby decides to poke his head out now, they won't stop him. His lungs are fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb. The baby weighs about 6 1/3 pounds and about 19 inches long. Ethan and Graeme were born with hair on their heads so I have no reason to believe this little one will be any different.

Ideally, I am still hoping that the baby comes one day late, on May 11th. That day is Mothers' Day and I would love to give birth that day in honour of my mom who couldn't be here to witness his arrival. I am visualizing that scenario in my head every day so please help me with positive thoughts and vibes as well. But don't worry about me if he decides to come earlier or later because I won't be sad about it either - babies come when they're good and ready and I'm alright with that. Bringing in my mom's 11th grandchild will be a gift no matter when it happens.

Love to you all,

Thursday, April 17, 2008

With Love to Mamita

The past week has been really tough. My mom passed away last Wednesday and we are all still in turmoil, shock, despair, grief, and whatever other emotion you could possibly imagine having in this new reality. Not a day has gone by when I haven't cried for the end of our life together, the end of future conversations and shared experiences. I try to fill my head with all my happy memories of her laughter and the love and silliness she shared with us all.

I am extremely sad that she will not get to meet the new baby in person; her grandkids were the light of her life. She was there when Graeme was born and was the first person on earth he actually laid his newborn eyes on and we had been planning on her being there for the birth of this, her 11th grandchild. Deep in my heart, I feel and know that she will be there in spirit and that she will again be the first to welcome this child into the world. Her baby prediction was for a third boy for me and the other week had bought and delivered two new boy outfits for him. Whether this kid is a boy or a girl, I think I will make a point of making him/her wearing the outfits anyway. She would find that hilarious, especially if her next grandchild is a girl.

One thing I've learned and hope to never forget is that all the petty angers and arguments are really just that in the end - petty. They are not the things that matter most. What matters most is love and lifting the spirits of those around you. When you are faced with any sort of choice about people, always choose what matters most...

Life and people are precious so don't forget to tell those close to you just how much you love them. Don't miss the opportunities for that extra bear hug and that extra "I love you." Do it often. I find some solace in the fact that we had been spending so much time with her lately and that the last words we said to each other were, "I love you and I'll see you later."

Move forward in happiness and love,

Her obituary and a guest book: http://www.legacy.com/insidebayarea/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=107794891.